Posted on 11-12-2010
Ah Hollywood. How I love it when you completely fuck me over.
A few months back I saw an awesome trailer for a movie called Skyline. Really, it was so awesome that I wanted to be probed myself. Take a look at said trailer:
See? It just makes you want to go out and yell BEAM ME UP SCOTTY! So of course, imagine my excitement when I managed to catch this film last night with a friend.
Now if you don’t want to read any spoilers, then let me summarize the movie. It is a pile of shit. If you want to read the spoilers and enjoy my sarcasm, then read on.
The basic premise of Skyline is that aliens invade the earth and hoover up all the humans to harvest their brains – a more original storyline there is not. It’s as if they took the movie Independence Day, but instead of actors they filled all the roles with people off the street. The only two recognizable characters are Donald Faison (Scrubs) and David Zayas (Dexter). But the sad part is because these two characters can actually act, they probably were the most expensive people to hire, so naturally the directors had to kill them off first. What’s left is a rag-tag bunch of half baked characters consisting of a marriage-wrecking slut, a pampered bitch, a male lead with no shirt, and his I’m-late-this-month-what-does-it-mean girlfriend.
The story might have made some sense if it wasn’t played out so stupidly. The aliens send down large blue lights into the city of LA which supposedly make people do stupid things like jump out of their window or climb on top of roofs as if to say ABDUCT ME YOU ALIEN BASTARDS! Of course, being the idiots that we are, we decide to fight back, nuke one of the alien ships (which crashes and then rebuilds itself…whoopee!), and get our hero abducted and brain-raped in the end anyway. But here’s the killer – even though the aliens rip out his brain, when they transplant it into their hulking eight-eyed alien warrior our hero’s emotions and love for his one-night-stand-that-never-went-away shine through, and he takes over the alien body, coming to her aid as she’s about to be sliced open like a piñata. And that’s where the movie ends. I’m serious – the movie ends with him in the alien body, standing over his woman, preparing to take on an entire alien race. I guess the directors thought that would make a good cliffhanger, but it’s almost seems like they ran out of film and had no money left for the extra VHS tape required to drone this movie on for another 60 minutes. The one thing I will say of course is that the special effects are very good. While the aliens have a very unoriginal Matrix-style look to them, the explosion and abduction sequences still look quite good. But apart from that, there’s nothing here that would even make me recommend this movie as a rental.
And just to prove a point, here are some movie stills that I think best convey my feelings – of course all images are copyright the film studio bla bla bla copyright shit. Enjoy.