Posted on 14-12-2012
Has it really been a month already? It’s surreal – only last week we were holding on to each other as three strangers lowered you into the ground, and here we are again trying to coax ourselves to heal.
Your kids are doing better – in truth I haven’t seen them since the service, but they’ve been texting every so often if they need anything. Mum and Dad are still in pieces – they’re both trying to deal with you on their own terms, but it’s so hard to see them like this. We’ve all spent time with them and talked to them when we can, but it doesn’t seem to be sticking.
I think that I’m still processing everything in my own prehistoric way. I’ve been asked to talk about how I’m feeling, but I’m lost about what to say. I know I should feel something; anger, sadness, depression, anything, and I’m sure I’m feeling all of these on some level, but in all honesty I want to just be on my own. I don’t want to turn into a hermit and lose my grasp on the world, but I think I want to come to terms with everything in my own time. It’s hard to think that I can be going about my day perfectly normal, but deep down inside I still need to take that time-out to think about how I can move on emotionally.
But forever dear sister, you are always in our hearts and prayers.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.