Posted on 01-05-2011
As someone who works in an HR firm, going through CVs is a fairly mundane task. But every so often there comes that one gem, that one CV that brings a smile, a giggle, or screams of laughter. People on Twitter regularly observe by CV-ramblings under the tag of #CV101, and I never fail to disappoint. So I thought it would be great to make a little list of the amusing things that I’ve seen on CVs recently, in the hope that you never make the same mistakes.
- Hobbies: back horse riding
- Objective: “I am a flexible young man…” (what is this, Cirque du Soleil?)
- If you are a Bar Manager, don’t apply for a Project Manager position. The skills are not the same.
- Hobbies: watching TV on the couch, going to McDonalds
- S T O P T Y P I N G L I K E T H I S O N Y O U R C V
- Skills: The Internet (I think it’s remarkable that you know the entire Internet)
- “Typing speed: very fast”
- Achievements: Auditioned for Britain’s Got Talent
- IT knowledge: Office, Windows 3.1, 95, 97, 98, 99, and 2000 (Ladies and gents, the next Bill Gates)
- IT Skills: Competent in server languages
- Unless you’re on a football team, putting ‘team player’ in your CV means zilch.
- “My role model is Stevie Wonder because he proved he can do anything” (what?)
- Please don’t ever start your CV with a quote from Gandhi or Einstein.
- “To the attention of the HR Depot”
- Please don’t put your email down as “luckymonkey@——.com”
- STOP WRITING “GREETINGS OF THE DAY”
- Please don’t start a CV with “Ladies and Gentlemen” – you’re not a ringmaster.
- “Esteemed” and “prestigious” are words I’d use to describe a man’s junk. Avoid on your CV.
- “If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to touch” PROOFREAD YOUR CV!
- What NOT to put on your CV: “I have an excellent record of servicing my clients”
There are of course THOUSANDS of examples that I would love to share, so if you’ve come across any little CV gems, please share them in the comments section!