out in my headstraights by appointment only

I’m nervous.

Around me the people bustle on with their lives, not glancing over to the coffee shop where I nervously sit. He agreed to meet me here, and a public place seemed the best forum for what I was going to tell him. My hot chocolate was now cold, untouched on the table, a dark brown skin on the surface. I push the drink away from me just as he enters and joins me at the table.

His scent is something I had gotten used to over the years – the heavy, musky smell of sandalwood mixed with light touches of rose and jasmine. It was overpowering to the senses at first, but once you were accustomed to it, the scent was actually quite earthy and pleasant. He sat across from me and a drink appeared almost immediately – strong, black coffee. He had come alone; something he rarely did, almost as if he had known what this meeting was going to be about.

I do not remember the exact words I used, nor do I know if he was really listening during it all. But at the end of my little speech, when his cup had almost emptied, I sat back and waited for him to reply.

In truth, I knew very little about ____________, which is how he preferred to keep it. To him we were always at arm’s length, a distance comfortable enough for both of us so as not to overstep our boundaries. But sitting here so close to him made me feel uneasy for the first time ever. I began to regret the meeting, what I had said, and sat there stupidly looking at my still-full cup.

His answer came at last, whispered, yet direct and piercing:

Sixty.

I sat motionless in my chair and turned it over and over in my head. Sixty? What was sixty? And then, as the second cup of coffee appeared, my brain filled in the rest.

Thousand.

It was to be paid however quickly I wanted to, no more and no less. That was when for the first time, I saw the true businessman before me, with the pristine clothes that had been starched into submission. We were just transactions to him, transactions that filled his days and books, transactions that had names but were rarely called them. Transactions that in an instant, could be reminded of their place.

There are many people who sit and plan out their lives in as much detail as possible. Where they’re going to live, what kind of person they’re going to end up with, what kind of job they want, how many kids they’re going to have, and even where they’ll be laid to rest. And for the longest time, I was one of those people. I had a mental roadmap of where my life needed to be heading, and what I needed to do to achieve that. In short, there was no stopping me as I attempted to cruise-control through life without a care in the world.

But you see, life’s funny that way. You don’t always end up with the job you’re supposed to be doing. You don’t always meet that person who sets your soul on fire. You might not get to live in that foreign country you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid. As you start to actually live your life, you’ll find that most things in your life are beyond your control. That’s not to say that you throw away all the plans and things you dreamed about; you just need to figure out how to balance what you want from life with what you need from it. There’s some fucking philosophy right there.

I look at my life today and it couldn’t be more opposite from where I thought I would be. That’s neither a good thing or a bad thing – it’s a ‘life thing’. I’m living my life as it comes to me each day, and I have to say – it’s pretty amazing so far.

xoxo

I head to Twitter for a lot of things. Sometimes it’s to see what’s the buzz around the day’s headlines. Sometimes it’s to unfollow someone for tweeting a photo of their cat/dog/kid/meal/bowel movement. Other times it’s just to kill a bit of boredom.

Mother’s Day was on the 12th, and so like Twitter advised, I called up my mom to wish her and have a bit of a chat. But skimming through a few tweets, I realized that a few other people had either totally forgotten about Mother’s Day, or just couldn’t give a flying fuck. So in true ‘first world problems’ fashion, here are a round up of some tweets:

I need to get a Mother’s Day Gift for my mom. She wanted this bracelet, but I looked into it & it’s this flimsy expensive piece of crap.

— Shannon (@shannonj84) May 10, 2013

my moms not getting anything from me on Mother’s Day. When you treat me like crap expect no gift please.

So today this dude i work with brings me a Mother’s Day gift and I ask him why.. He said because I’m his future baby mama. -___-

— Ashley (@bad_ash_shawty) May 14, 2013

is there any way to fake a positive on a pregnancy test? i want some free mother’s day pancakes from ihop or some shit.

— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) May 9, 2010

My step mom is mad I didn’t tell her happy Mother’s Day (TF?) not step mother day. You haven’t done crap for me for nine years. I gotta mom!

— Princess Belle (@Cupcakqe) May 14, 2013

I didn’t say happy Mother’s Day to you because I don’t want you in my life. you are a shitty mom and you treat me like crap.

— Amanda⚓ (@irishlass96) May 13, 2013

Screw this mother’s day crap. My mom doesn’t actually show appreciation when I DO something, but she sure as hell notices when I DON’T!!

— Kenyatta Milburn (@kenyatta_xoxo) May 13, 2013

F Mother’s Day. I honestly have done nothing but what you asked today & more and you’re still in a shitty mood and treat me like crap.

— Baby Fittie (@BabyLaxFitty) May 12, 2013

Our moms should get us shit on Mother’s Day, because without us they wouldn’t be mothers..

My mom just gave me a licorice-flavored cough drop. Guess who’s not getting jack shit for Mother’s Day?

— molly (@Molly_Kats) May 11, 2012

1. It doesn’t work through walls.
2. Not all gay people have it.
3. Not all straight people have it either.
4. No, you can’t download an app for it.
5. It doesn’t work by listening to people on the radio to figure out if they’re gay or not.