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My right to say I Do – #LGBT
Posted on 12-12-2011
For a long time when I was younger, I dreamt about getting married. It didn’t matter at the time who I was marrying, but just that I would have that magical day when friends and family would gather around to congratulate me on my happy day. When I hit my teens and figured out I was gay, my fairytale wedding didn’t change – it just meant that I was going to marry someone of the same sex. In my mind nothing had changed – I’d still be married in the church that I’d attended since I was a baby, have the choir singing as I walked down the aisle, and have my parents proudly watching their son on the happiest day of his life.
But of course, the truth is that my dream wedding fantasy ended quite a long time ago, when I realized that obsessing over the details of my wedding day were in fact making me more depressed than happy (which led me to throw out my wedding journal which I had held onto for about 6 years). The simple reality is that having been raised Catholic, the church would not recognize a same-sex marriage (not yet anyway). And the second hurdle is that there are still only a few places in the world that recognizes gay marriage. It’s easy for someone to say “Oh just go to Canada” or some other country, but I don’t quite think I’m ready to be making a new home for myself just yet.
And while I still wish that I could make my parents happy in my choice to marry who I want to, at the end of the day if you’re getting married then the only happiness that matters in the world is your own.
I think you’ve got a handle on a very important concept that, believe me, not many people do:
“And while I still wish that I could make my parents happy in my choice to marry who I want to, at the end of the day if you’re getting married then the only happiness that matters in the world is your own.”
This is something I’ve been trying to explain to many people (and mostly failing)…while of course you want to make your family happy, what’s the point if you do what they want and stay miserable forever? They aren’t going to be living your life, you are. Keeping them happy just so you’re absolutely in the pits is so pointless. Your parents, I believe, will eventually be happy when they see that you are. Sure, some parents take more time to come around, but I sincerely believe that if they truly love you, unconditionally, they will want you to be happy. Nothing else matters.
However, it’s a sad fact that many people today suffer from “the tyranny of conditional love” [from the book Into the Wild; @movie_mafia pointed me to it when I was discussing a similar topic with her] on behalf of their parents and give in.
Don’t. Don’t give in. You’re important. Your dreams are important. And you will get that wedding you wanted.