out in my headstraights by appointment only

A few weeks ago I met some friends for brunch, and of course after a few drinks the conversation turned to affairs of the heart (and the loins). The group was a mix of married and single people, generally having a great time taking the piss out of each other. But when the spotlight turned to the single people, it was a mix of emotions. The single women complained that men were pigs and were just looking for fun. The men complained that the women were shallow and just looking for a guy’s bank account. The spotlight then naturally shifted on me, with the eventual question finally coming to light: “How come you’re still single?”

In my friends’ eyes, I’m a great catch. In my eyes, I think that too – I have a great job, my own apartment, my own car, I cook and clean by myself, and feel that I have a lot to offer someone who’d be interested in me. But it seems that when it comes to my dating life, I’ve ground to a halt.

Thanks to the wonders of technology, people are now found on apps rather than in real life. I’ve tried every conceivable app and it’s always the same guys across all of them. On those rare moments that I match with someone, I shoot across a cheerful hello and an introduction, only to be met by silence. There are days where I have long and fascinating chats with some guys, who promise to text back when they’re free for a coffee, but they never do. Some profiles are ‘looking for Mr Right’, but if you’re not even engaging in a proper conversation, how on earth are you supposed to get anywhere?

When people dumbfoundedly ask me why I’m still single, I can’t help but think that they’re fishing for some sort of problem that I’m hiding from them. My usual response is the classic ‘Oh I just haven’t met anyone to date recently‘, but the truth is I may have messaged plenty of guys that week who have all chosen to remain silent. What’s even more frustrating are the guys that you have a connection with, who in reality seem to always be searching for their ‘plan B’. They’re never in the moment with someone – their constant preoccupation is with whether or not there is someone better out there that they could be spending their time with. Or, you meet a guy, have a great time, and then he just disappears from your radar. I have to constantly monitor myself when messaging such guys, as I don’t want to come off as the ‘relentless needy one who always needs to text’ (a friend’s words, not mine). Then there are the guys who clearly can’t be bothered to put in the effort when it comes to dating. I messaged a guy to come over for drinks and a casual catch up, and he ended up driving all the way to where I lived, getting slightly lost, and then driving home in frustration instead of picking up the phone and asking me for directions. What the actual fuck?

So yes, I’m well aware that I’m single. I’m aware that I’m the all-singing, all-dancing perfect househusband that will make some guy happy one day. But I’m still figuring out why that hasn’t happened yet, so in answer to your question, no – I don’t know why I’m still single, and it honestly looks like I’ll never really find out.